last sat night,

was A W E S O M E
i WILL NOT forget that chaos night.
ayo kita ulangi lagi.

girls.

pertemanan antara perempuan itu seperti bermain politik.

ada yang menjadi jagoan. ada yang menjadi pengikut.
jagoan yang menentukan. pengikut yang menyetujui.
jagoan suka. pengikut pun mengikuti.
jagoan benci. pengikut pun mengikuti.
semua tanpa alasan. tak berdasar.

seperti tidak ada kepribadian saja.

"kenapa kamu jadi sinis sama dia?"
"abis dia nyebelin."
"emang dia ngapain kamu?"
"liat aja. masa dia gituin si jagoan."
"lalu apa hubungannya sama kamu? dia jahat sama kamu?"
"ga ada sih. cuma ganggu aja tuh orang."
"..."

jagoan tak pernah mengerti,
kenapa pengikut ikut sebel
kenapa pengikut ikut sinis
kenapa pengikut ikut ga suka.
karena dia hanya melihat dirinya.

dan korban,
hanya berusaha bersabar
dan terus bertanya-tanya kenapa musuhnya bertambah banyak.

thank you mas Made

*please, PLEASE, correct me if i'm wrong

some friend from multiply made me a poetry.
it's really nice of him.

thank you mas Made.

click here if you wanna see.

today,

is my birthday.
and i hate it.

uuggh. i hate bitchhday so much.

why?

1. people act over too much kind until it tastes fake.
2. too many messages you had received. meanwhile, there's only z e r o message on your daily life.
3. highly expectation of, at least, greetings, esp. from your buddies. and it starting to get irritating if they (totally) forget to congrats you. it SUCKS dude!
4. people always ask "traktir dong" or "makan-makan dimana kita" or "kapan kita ke sini?". Aaarrgghh.. shut up!
5. Highly expenses. and it doesnt happen to buy anything that i want. NONE anything that i want. and then financial will get starting into bankrupt.
6. i am getting old and i dont have anything to be proud of.

i wish i can cut this date from calendar.

saya kangen temen saya,

sekarang dia udah pergi jauh.

sekarang dia udah ga di sini lagi.



tapi,

kayaknya saya aja yang kangen dia.

kayaknya saya aja yang terlihat s k s d.



kayaknya dia ga kangen sama saya, apalagi peduli.



biarin, saya tetep kangen sama dia.

WOOHOO!! New Books

today, impulsively i bought some books from Bloc, the bookstore in my faculty where the price is really reachable, i mean, freakishly super cheap.

i bought 3 books. Yea, i was going mad standing there watch all those books screaming "pick-me, BUY-ME".

just wanna share. so, here they are.

Title: The Secret Supper
Author: Javier Sierra

Synopsis: click here

Price: from IDR 49,900 to IDR 25,000


Title: Sign of the Cross
Author: Chris Kuzneski

Synopsis: click here

Price: from IDR 69,900 to IDR 25,000


Title: Pria Cilik Merdeka
Author: Terry Pratchett

Synopsis: click here

Price: from IDR 49,900 to IDR 15,000

Hell yeah. I knoow... those are extremely cheap.
well sayonara then. Many books to read, little time is left.

*uugh, I LOOOVE the smell of the page o' new book

i don't wanna be no man's woman.

do i need to be

beautiful?
slim?
well manner?
bland?
feminine?

to be your adoration?
to be your dream?
to be your butterfly-in-the-stomach?

to be your love?

makna dari ibadah Minggu (?)

Pagi ini gue berdiskusi dengan temen gue (tg).

agnes: sekarang gue tanya sama lo. lo kenapa gereja?

tg: krn disuruh bokap nyokap nes

tg: kalo dr gue sendiri, jujur gue seneng bergereja nes, gue seneng ngedengerin firman Tuhan.. apalagi kalo gue lg ada masalah..

agnes: see. pada akhirnya tujuan kita ke Gereja karena haus akan firman Tuhan. haus akan suara Tuhan. haus untuk berseru kepada Tuhan. klo bisa ngedapetin dengan cara lain, kenapa harus Gereja.

tg: iyah sih nes. tp gue bsa mendapatkan dgn cara apa lg? gue ga terlalu suka baca renungan. klo gue, lebih suka bergereja nes.

agnes: nah itu dia. kayak gue dengan renungan. cara orang kan beda2. gue ga suka gereja. gue suka renungan dan berdoa sendiri.

tg: gue suka, dan gue merasa amat sangat keberatan sebenernya dipaksa ke ****, merasa rugi krn gue ga bsa ngerti pendeta ngomong apa.

tg: gue ngrasa bokap gue terlalu egois untuk hal ini.

agnes: SETUJU. itulah mereka. masih konservatif. di otak mereka tertanam minggu itu hari bergereja tanpa tau maknanya apa. sama lah orng tua kita.

ada yang tau kenapa kita tiap Minggu wajib ke Gereja?

homer, i love you.

muach muach

suddenly,

everything was going so great.

until that damn song is playing.

...

now i know,
why you were sing out that loud.

i love my sunday.

ku lihat dunia berputar lagi.
warna warni terindah menyinari bumi.
na na na na na na ku jelang hari.
na na na na na na ku jelang mimpi.

hadirmu... utopia.
senyumku... utopia
rinduku... utopia
khayalku... utopia

ku dengar dunia bernyanyi lagi.

nada-nada terindah mendamaikan bumi.

*homogenic -utopia

doa orang tua selalu didengar Tuhan

s e l a s a

nyokap: kamu, pas mama papa pergi nanti, jangan kemana-kemana ya. jangan kamu kalap. jangan mentang-mentang mama sama papa ga ada di rumah kamu langsung bebas pulang pagi."

bokap: iya nes. di rumah lah kau. jangan jalan-jalan terus. pikirkan kesehatanmu.

nyokap: entahlah. macam banyak aja uangnya. ga ada berhematnya.

gue: ... iya.

gue: (dalam hati) WOOHHOOO BEEEBAASS!! mau kemana ya ntar.. (mulai memikirkan rencana kabur)

nyokap: janji kau nes. inget janjimu kemarin sama papa.

gue: ... iyeee.


r a b u

gue: sabtu besok lo jadi ke kondangan?

a: ga tau deh nes. kayaknya sih.

gue: kita ga jadi karaoke, dong?

a: makanya nes. kayaknya kondangannya malem.

gue: ... yaudah deh.

a: ntar ya nes. kita liat ntar. sapa tau sempet.


k a m i s

gue: eh sabtu nginep yok di rumah gue. lagi kosong.

L: boleh. eh tapi ga janji ya nes. takut ga bisa gue.

gue: ga bisa apa? rame-rame... kayak dulu

L: gue bilang dulu sama bokap. lo tau kan bokap gue gimana.

gue: yah...

L: tentative ya nes. ga janji gue. liat ntar ya.

gue: yah... kan ngumpul-ngumpul. ntar Gereja bareng.

L: iya nes. gue mau. tapi lo tau kan. gue ga bisa janji nes.

gue: ... yaudah deh.


j u m a t s i a n g

gue: eh sabtu main yok ke rumah *** *****

L: ayo. ayo.

gue: tapi gue kuliah dulu ya. balik dari kampus jam 3. paling nyampe jam 4.

L: bentar ya nes. ada tugas.

-idle-

-offline-


(masih) j u m a t s i a n g

gue: jadi gimana, hari minggu jadi ga?

A: yah ga jadi nes. mending nunggu pengunguman resmi.

gue: yah. kan lo ******* *** nya. emang ga resmi?

A: ha ha ha ga lah nes. ga jadi. kayaknya diundur jadi tanggal 23.

gue: ... yaudah deh.


j u m a t s o r e

gue: kapan kita jalan lagi sama mereka?

F: ga tau nes. gue udah lama ga berhubungan sama mereka. liat nanti ya.

gue: jalan yok. sabtu besok gue kosong.

F: yah nes. ga bisa gue, gue udah janjian sama kakaknya ****

gue: ... yaudah deh.

luar biasa kekuatan doa orang tua.
giliran bokapnyokap ada di rumah, semua tukang jalan ngajak jalan.
giliran bokapnyokap pergi berhari-hari, semua tukang jalan pada jalan.

Life lesson: Patience

gue pernah baca di Firman Tuhan, gue lupa kalimat persisnya seperti apa. kurang lebih seperti ini

bila pipi kananmu ditampar, berikanlah pipi kirimu.

kalimat itu mengajarkan kita untuk mengasihi musuh kita. untuk mendoakannya. untuk bersabar. agar kita mempunyai hati yang damai dan penuh pengasihan.
well, gue tau itu susah. itu ga mungkin. berat. dan klise.

tapi gue udah membuktikannya. dan itu bener-bener berhasil.

mengalah bukan berarti kalah.
berat memang. lo bisa gila. frustasi sendiri. stres sendiri sampe sakit kepala dan sesek sendiri tiap ngeliat mukanya. tapi, entah bagaimana, ketika lo serahkan sama Dia, lo cerita sama Dia, semuanya berjalan lebih ringan. memang ga bakal secara instan masalah akan selesai, tapi Dia akan mengurangi beban lo secara perlahan dan membuat hati lo lebih tenang sehingga sikap lo akan menjadi damai.

emang Dia itu benar-benar Maha Ajaib ya.

*well. im just being more religious at the moment. let's just enjoy that.

daydreaming

will i be a good mom?

will my child loves me?

will i be able to afford my child's needs?

will my child be a good citizen?

i wanna have a child.

i wanna have a baby girl.

but i dont wanna get married.

peace

i was once read one of the title of someone multiply.

being grown up is exactly not as fun as growing up.

well, it's true.

recently, there are many moments that tempting me to forget my age and acting like a teen. and the hardest things are keep focus and forgiving.

being grown up means we should be able to control our emotions.


well..

*sighs

yea..

*sighs


I DON'T WANNA GROWN UP!!
I HATE HIM SO BAD!!
WHY SHOULD HE MAD AT ME?? FUCK YOU!!
AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

oh God, please help me. may my mind and soul live peacefully. oh God.

i need my parent.

pernikahan dini

temen gue mau menikah.
well. dia masih 22 tahun dan pasangannya 21 tahun.


itu salah satu contoh cerita.
masih bertanya-tanya aja gue.

kenapa orang-orang suka banget menikah muda?

"lucu nes. gue masih muda, terus gendong anak sama suami gue. jalan-jalan."
"beda usia gue dengan anak gue ga terlalu jauh. jadi ntar bisa asik-asikan."
"seru aja gue bangun ngeliat dia. tidur ngeliat dia. bisa tinggal serumah sama dia."
"biar halal nes."
etc.

teman, menikah bukan sekedar hidup bersama dan mempunyai anak yang lucu menggemaskan.

menikah berarti komitmen seumur hidup.
setia sampai ujung usia.
adaptasi dengan kedua belah keluarga.
mulai mengurus kebutuhan rumah tangga sendiri.
tidak lagi hanya "aku", tapi "kita".
etc.


"lo belum nemu aja kali nes, lo belum nemu he-is-the-one lo."

well, maybe.

kangen minggu lalu.

kapan ke bandung lagi?

inspiring email

got this wonderful email from my manda. it tells us what should we do regularly. i find this list is simply inspiring, so i wanna share y'all, with a lil'bit editing from me.

well, have a nice day folks! ~muach

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Read more books than you did in last year.
5. Dream more while you are awake.
6. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
7. Drink plenty of water.
8. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
9. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
10. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
11. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
14. Smile and laugh more.
15. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
16. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
17. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
18. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
19. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
20. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
21. Forgive everyone for everything.
22. What other people think of you is none of your business.
23. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
24. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
25. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
26. Do the right thing!
27. Call your family often.
28. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
29. Each day give something good to others.

semangat ekstensi (?)

saya mulai ragu. mulai mikir.

apa tujuan saya ikut kuliah ekstensi?

biar dapet gelar S1?
biar naik pangkat?
biar naik gaji?

biar orang tua saya bangga?

atau.
hanya bosan dengan kehidupan yang terus membuat saya bertambah tua, sehingga saya mencari pelarian kehidupan yang bisa membuat saya merasa muda?


saya mulai capek.

capek pulang kerja harus kuliah lagi dan nyampe rumah jam diatas jam 10 malam dan besok harus berangkat subuh lagi.
capek tiap bulan memotong uang saya dengan jumlah yang lumayan untuk bayar kuliah, padahal seharusnya saya bisa membeli laptop impian.
capek harus ngerjain tugas, nyari bahan dan belajar apalagi kalo lagi ujian.
capek karena ga punya waktu lagi untuk nongkrong-nongkrong atau bermain-main dengan homer dan aksan dan oik.

masih penting ya S1 itu?
tailahya.

sama saja.

aku tidak lagi bisa membedakan tangis dan tawa.


aku menangis dalam tawa.
aku tertawa dalam tangisan.


air mata tawa,
air mata tangisan,
aku rasakan sama saja.

bitterness simplicity

After all, all I have in my mind
Is just silence all around
A thousand times I have tried to find
Pieces of dreams. visions and sounds
And then I pray for better days

After all, all I have in my heart

Are the pieces, that I found

Shades of blue, swimming in the moon

Counting the stars all around

I say a prayer for better days

Do you know how it is without anyone

Do you know anyone?

Don't let it go

Never forget that when

I think of youYou're not alone

Do you know how it is without anyone

Do you know anyone at all?

- taken from here -

ramalan malam itu

ngopi doeloe Bandung
2 November 2008
22.00 WIB


"aku belum bisa baca. karena kamu belum bertindak apa-apa."
"yaah. kalo cowonya aja deh. apa yang dia rasain gitu..."
"ga bisa. belum kebaca."
"..."
"seperti yang aku bilang tadi, kamu harus merubah diri kamu. jangan menghindari spotlight. tunjukin eksistensi kamu. tunjukin kalo kamu ada. tunjukin kalo kamu suka sama dia."
"... tapi gimana?"
"yaah... hal sederhana aja. coba ajak dia ngomong. aku yakin nih, pasti kamu ga pernah ngajak dia ngobrol kan? bahkan untuk nimbrung-nimbrung aja kamu jarang banget. iya kan?"
"... iya sih."
"udah. sekarang kamu harus lebih pede lagi. just be yourself."

dalam hati, "tapi gimana caranya?"

i think i like you,

but (again) i'm desperately clueless.

i don't have any fuckin idea what to do.

yea, i'm just bad at it.

a wishful thinking

di saat kegalauan memuncak,
di saat kecemburuan menghampiri,
di saat ketidakpastian melanda,
di saat ketakutan menghinggapi,
di saat kesedihan melingkupi,

aku pun mulai membakar sebatang nikotin lagi.

tampaknya aku benar-benar suka kamu.