si dabu

beberapa hari yang lalu dan liburan tahun baru kemarin, gue pergi berlibur bersama temen-temen baru.

ada seseorang laki, sebut saja dabu. well, dia baik, dia kocak.
dan gue seneng sama dia.
ga, ga kok. gue ga naksir dia. gue cuma suka dia, senang aja temenan sama dia. mengingat gue bisa dibilang anak baru diantara temen-temen yang lain, dia dan gue bisa nyambung dan seru-seruan bareng, membuat gue mrasa diterima dan ga kesepian.

gue berbagi sesuatu sama dia.
gue ketawa sama dia.
gue bermain kartu sama dia.
gue bernyanyi sama dia.
gue cak-cakan sama dia.
bahkan gue lebih merasa nyaman sama dia dibanding temen asli gue sendiri.

sayangnya, anak-anak yang lain mulutnya rumpi banget.

seperti biasa, anak-anak membuat dnb sendiri. gue yang udah di atas batas halusinasi, ilang mood untuk bergabung.
gue melihat dabu duduk di sana, dan gue bergabung.

sepanjang malam, kami berdua hanya duduk diam memandang laut. tanpa bicara.

dalam kesadaran yang sudah minim, gue bisa denger anak-anak bergunjing di belakang. sambil ngecak-ngecakin. kenapa seorang Agnes yang paling smangat bisa lebih memlih untuk duduk diam bersama dabu? dan gue yakin, dabu pun berpikiran sama.

gue pun hanya diam saja sepanjang malam itu. ga perduli. gue hanya mau duduk diam. dan cuma dabu yang ada saat itu.

keesokan paginya, entah mengapa, gue melihat dabu bersikap aneh. kliatan sekali dia menghindar. boro-boro berbicara, melihat aja ga. kalo gue masuk ke ruangan, dia akan pergi. gue ga ngerti.

...
akhirnya dokumentasi kemarin diposting di facebook. dabu, yang biasanya suka komen-komen, diam saja. ga ada komentar sama sekali.

gue sedih.
kenapa? kenapa harus berpikiran seperti itu?
dengan gue duduk sepanjang malam bersama dabu dibanding gue ber-dnb, berarti gue ada hati sama dia, begitu?
dan kenapa dabu berpikiran seperti itu? kenapa dabu berubah kayak gitu sih?

dabu, gue kehilangan lo, beneran...
ntar temen gila gue siapa lagi dong klo lo menjauh?

hari ini

gue berasa dirajam batu dan dicakar-cakar macan.

mo ngamuk gue!

i get busted.

and my mom only laughed. and teasing me.
she, purely, make everything become a joke.
i mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, if you know what i mean.

she even suggest (insist) me to get boyfriend.

"carilah pacar Nes. mama aja waktu masih muda banyak kali cowo yang datang jemput mengapeli klo malam minggu"

"pokoknya kau jangan kluar UI klo ga dapet pacar!"

"siapa kek... kan banyak kawanmu.. masa ga ada yang bisa kau dapat?! biar clubing terus kalian, ha ha ha"



... but i find it sad. ironic.
i'm sorry mother, i ruined your little daughter.

seriously,

i need to CONTROL this stupid mouth to shut the fuckin up.

this idiot making everything become worse.

it is sad...

when you are not the best-thing anymore.


today you are number two.
tomorrow you are forgotten.

my 2k9's (late) resolution

Since i got a very lame new year, i retreat myself from new year thing-y.
But after refreshing myself these several days, i think i need to make a resolution for this year. So at the end of it, perhaps i can achieve something prided. Well everyone do it, do they, yes?

So here they go.

on 2008 i promise myself that i won't ever eat beef and goat and lamb. so, this year i'll will follow my last year promises, i won't eat any those meats and eat more vegetable.
it's kinda difficult, since many red meat products i used to eat. when i made this decision, I thought that beef, goat and lamb is only meat, you know, meat like rendang or soup or semur or burger. but after promisee day, i just realize that baso and sausage are also produced from red meat.
well, now i know how difficult the struggle to be a vegetarian.

well. as my older post before, i got shot on my IPS. this year, i promise to myself that i'll note down all the material neatly and compactly. and also, i am promise to take only, ONLY, 3 days absent honestly, eventhough my friends can cover it up for me.

i guess that's it. that are my resolution.
well, not much. but why should we made 5 or 10 or more resolutions, while these 3 resolutions, indeed, are hard to achieved. yes?

well happy belated new year everyone. God bless you all.

*thank you Bobby Hamasaki for your truly inspiration

FUCK 2009 (?)

tahun baru ini..
dimana biasanya banyak sekali harapan-harapan dan kata-kata manis berterbangan mengiringi pergantian tahun..

saya mengawalinya dengan berita yang membuat saya shock.

membuka SIAK-NG, site penghubung kampus saya dengan mahasiswanya.. dan menemukan bahwa IPS udah keluar.

ngomong-ngomong ga perlu saya tulis kan IPS saya berapa.

sialan. saya rasa saya salah pilih jurusan!!

FUCK 2008!

so here i am on the new year's day...

sitting alone.
writing this blog, while checking up my facebook and the TVs on with some crappy omen-devil-thingy movie.
and for several times, my friends texting me the new year's greeting, with all the wishing for the brighter year.
yea, yea... whatever!
DAMN ! how i miss the cigar right now....

well,
i got rot on this new year's eve.
as a only child my parent expect me to celebrate the year's changing with them.
but, HEY MOM AND DAD, i'm 22 years old now. FACE IT!
i got my own world. i am tired for being with you always on any moment for 22 years! you have to let me go. i'm not your little girl anymore.

hh. so, do i have to greeting you a happy brightful new year?
fuck!